— Every black person watching a scary movie. (via war-ant)
Honestly, I’m not doing as well as I tell myself. Yes, I’ve been making the best of every moment I get, but all I’ve really been doing is hiding my heart aches with a smile and distractions. And the reason for these heart aches isn’t the fact that my heart is broken, but the fact that I am not happy with myself as a person. It’s like my whole life I’ve been pushed to be a certain person I’m not and never had the opportunity to find out who I am as a person. I’ve been living 2 lives my whole life. First, is the person I’ve been expected to be, the person who does all these sports, goes out, parties, meets and hooks up with random strangers and always makes moves. And second, the person I actually am, the person who loves to dance, has many close friends, rather chill and get fucked up with my closest friends, go out every once in a while and not fuck with strangers, the type of guy who would do anything for my love. And now that I’m getting older and finding out more about myself, it’s all finally catching up to me. I’ve been living with expectations of how I should be living my life instead of just enjoying my life as it is. My life is honestly great. I have all my closest friends and FAMiry with me, I’m dancing 24/7, school is going well, and I’m in positions where people actually look up to me, the only thing missing is you, but I’ve never really appreciated it. And now that I’ve finally realized it, I need to learn to finally love myself and my life.